never looked at it this way before...

Just something to consider.

london exchange

Thank you Rebekah @

London Exchange
625 SW 10th, Portland

You took a load off... and gave it some style.


From behind

All smiles.


Sorry there is no 'before' photos... but I promise, she cut a good 5 inches off the bottom and a whole lot more on the way up.

words on conformity

"Once conform, once do what other people do because they do it,
and a lethargy steals over all the finer nerves and faculties of the soul."

Virginia Woolf 1882-1941

a disgruntled mother

Mom: I'll probably be dead by the time you have kids.

Me: Why do you say that?

Mom (as she walks off): Well think about it Emily. just think about it.


(Gosh Mom. You're more stressed about this than I am. It's not like you don't have 3 handsome grandsons via your other kids).

people pleaser

I think because of the way that my family is or has been, I rely too much on other people outside of my family for acceptance or as my world or something... and they all have their own agenda for me as well and well, I can't 'please' everyone, so I get stuck and frustrated with choices in my life. Woah, I've never really put it out in words like that before. Oh crapola, I am a people-pleaser. At some point I need to live my life for me... not for those around me. (well, I can't believe I am actually saying that either). Of course, what should really matter is whether or not if I and the Lord in my spirit is happy. The Lord certainly wasn't a crowd pleaser, and yet, some in the crowd were pleased by Him.

So therein lies the question, 'What makes you happy?"

Lord have mercy!

Well in a few weeks I will be moving into an apartment complex that I have just renamed asI... 'River Jokes.' Yes, because all the comments online about the management and residence is enough to nearly send me packing. Complete with sewage rats, pestering cockroaches, faulty AC/heat, creepy-easy break-ins, uncalled-for auto-towage... I should be in for a REAL treat. What could He possibly be preparing me for? I hate to speculate that one.

Not the most ideal of living situations. No, not by far. But it is going to have to do for atleast the next 5 months, because that's what's been provided. I think my fellow flatmates will be fun to live with... although I wasn't psyched about living with freshmen again. This one is 10 yrs. my junior, the sweetie(but whiner) that she is. Amen, Lord. Whatever.

i'll have some of what he's having

I've never wanted anything but 'normal.'
Whatever that is.

They all say it's normal...
What I am feeling.

Probably so.

That I will get better...
The present will swallow up the past.

Whatever that means.

a totally disasterous deja-vu

History repeats itself.

i wonder...

how long death and resurrection takes?

I've read some about it, like in Abraham and Sarah's case... the Lord didn't give them Isaac until there was utterly no hope left in themselves, in their devices or ideas... to where they considered themselves 'dead'. Then God took their impossible situation and worked Isaac from their inside-out. Bringing forth life from the seemingly death situation.

don't cry for me?...

It's been a long time since I've needed to cry myself to sleep at night. Trying to remain strong, yet blubbering like a baby. Mumbling things to a God that listens to the confessions resounding from my broken heart.

"He understands us thoroughly there's nothing He does not know... all your problems and weakness..."

Ok, so He knows, He knows... sometimes I hate that He knows and I don't. I can't even know what it is that I fully want. So I just cry out it all out at/to Him and tell Him what really bugs about His plan for me... whatever that might be. Telling Him how unfair it all is... for me... for him... How unfair it is to love and have things not be. If we are not supposed to be then He should heal our wounded hearts, right? He's our Maker, our Healer.

I don't even remember the moments right before falling asleep, but I did eventually sleep, because I woke in the morning with puffy eyes and tear stains on my cheeks surrounded by a crowd of snot filled tissues.

If there is one thing that I remember, it's that this sort of unhappiness is not of God. So then what am I doing? Oh I'm so confused. SO utterly confused. This was supposed to clear the waters... what has clouded them once again?

my condition

My will is weak, my strength is frail.

I may think that I am weak, when really the problem is that I am strong.

Why don't I just give in?

not to be misunderstood as 'pizza-face'

Thought maybe since all the blogosphere has ever seen of me is my backside... *wink* ...here's a frontal view to counteract the strange imaginations that my entries may provoke.

thanks for the tip

Just to show they care, a genuine friend will write just to tell you of their lastest cure or findings for things such as cramps, pms, or even things like acne.


Adult-acne, it's a curse and a punishment all combined...
Still gotta place most the blame on the father's genes.

Cursed man that I am. Who will deliever me from the body of my humiliation?

my best friend's wedding

TOMORROW will be the day of days...

My long time friend will be getting hitched at his parents' beautiful home and gardens in Oregon. Since I was out of town when the invites went out they've rspv-ed me all on their own in hopes of my attendance. A friendly reminder call was made last week in his usual upbeat and undaunted voice. Completely understanding toward the possibility of my not being able to attend, he still suggests that we all get together for a bbq when they get back from their honeymoon. Woah, wait! He's going to be a married man beginning... TOMORROW.

He's really been a stable friend over the past few years of growing into adulthood. The one who was there through thick and thin... the one to pick me up and cart me off to some interesting location or event whenever I came into town... the one eager to call and catch up on how things were going... He's getting married... TOMORROW.

I like his fiancee, she's a nice gal... I think she likes me too. Of course, I don't think she knew that his mom was always trying to get him and I together from the start of our friendship around eight years ago... but well, lucky for her (and well, probably all of us) we never went down that road together. Perhaps that is how we are able to be such pals even up until this day? I don't know... it's kinda weird, come to think about it. I was always sure he'd go and get married before me... hands down, not argument there. Me, I had college, the training, and whatever else the Lord shall bring me through, but He, he just needed to finish college and have a year or so of work under his belt and he would be snached by the best of 'em. He's a fine man. Ok, it's probably sounds weird for you all to read that, but it's true. He is a fine man. He's got a great head on his shoulders. He's practical and has a good heart. He's funny. He's active. He's even got some creativeness... not bad... not bad for a man. *grin*

What can I say, but Matt, you're an awesome friend. Thank you for all these years. I wish you all the best in your married life.

thickening air

Ok, what is wrong with this Oregon weather?! I have never experienced weather like this here! Today's humidity was just short of ugly. Luckily there was a breeze. Thank God for that, but still... I am shocked. It's probably just some of that Texas weather haunting me... Taunting me about being away for the summer. It's sickening, thickening air... and it's just has to go. Now, please. I would like to enjoy my typical Oregon summer weather before going back to the intense Austin August airways.

it's raining...

...outside.
...as a constant dripping from the sky.
...and it's cold and wet and gray.
...and I've misplaced my umbrella.
...and my inside is raining too.
...yes, it is still raining.
...that's what happened this summer.

'something given to someone'

Better late than never.
I am finally getting around to listening to that something.
It's a nice collection. Slow, soft, and you. Thank you.

damn, aunt flo

My emotions are on the rage. I need coffee. I need some understanding. Maybe I need a trip to Trudys?

Josh's smile

Josh's smile
Originally uploaded by mle jane.

This is the wall that Jeff built... this is his lil' humpty-dumpty, Josh.

the Harvey bros

Harveybros
Originally uploaded by mle jane.

Auntie's lil' buds.

cb the cdn

cb
Originally uploaded by mle jane.

Get back to work, Moron!

Morons. Daddy HATES morons!

but it's like you said

What is done is done.

the infamous aunt flo

I knew she was coming, because my face was already celebrating the 4th of July before my eyes even set sight on a genuine firework and my tummy was giving me those weird rolling feelings... Though she goes by Aunt FLo, she's not my real aunt. Everyone calls her Aunt, but nobody would ever claim her as their relation. She knows she isn't welcome around here, and still she arrived today just as I had thought she would with her usual bad attitudes. And as always she brought with her a truckload of near-immobilizing shooting and dull pains and bad-rass bloatations and emotions that I simply cannot forgive her for. Thank God for my sister's hot tub and a pack full of the ever mighty trustworthy Maximum Strength Midol. Of course, I wasn't able to nip her in the butt because I got locked out of the house for a couple hours this afternoon... for which I suffered immense pains for over an hour before the meds kicked in. If I haven't mentioned before, I really hate Aunt Flo. She's a real pain in the rass. I really wish she would just get lost and never be found again.

safe arrival

So I'll start with a disclaimer... I've got no amazing stories of my semi-adventurous drive from Anaheim to Portland... we left at 1am Sunday morning and arrived about 6pm in Portland... we stopped a few times for petrol and toilet,... and for breskfast around 6:30am in Sacramento, CA., and a late lunch in Medford, OR. I was pooped to say the least. I think I am still recovering from the weeks prior to the team reunion in Austin. Let's just say that I have been way too many places in the past two weeks. But driving Gaby's new rig was sure a lot of fun... go, go, speed racer, go!!!