dear sally

When Harry Met Sally

It's been a while since I have watched that movie and admittedly I don't remember the lines used in it, but I think I have some of the concepts down. The most basic is: That a guy and girl cannot 'just' be friends. With atleast one or the other there is most likely the attraction of a possibility with the other at some point in the future. There is nothing wrong with this. It is simply a proven fact of human nature and sexuality. With this case in point one of the inevitable is to happen...

1. After whatever period of time is needed, the other recepicates the feelings of the other and they two live happily ever after (to whatever extent that is supposed to mean).
2. The one expresses interest and the feeling is not recepicated by the other and hence the two are both devastated (one over the loss of a hope, and the other over the loss of a 'friend').

Whatever the outcome the initial stages are infested with the self lie that one is 'just' a friend. Well, maybe they are just that in your eyes.. . . But they may not think that regarding you. Either way, it is hard to believe that one would be so naive to the other's feelings towards them. While one doesn't like to go around thinking that everyone of the opposite sex that acknowledges them has the intention of being with them (*and I am even referring to the most noble of intentions), we all must at some point come to realize that this is just how human nature works. Why are people friends in the first place? Maybe they have no intention of having a romantic interest in the person, but guaranteed, given enough time with that person, people get comfortable with one another and eventually can fall for or be fallen for. This happens time and time again. Case after case. It sucks when option #2 occurs, and a great loss is taken. But when option #1 turns out everyone is happy, and nothing seems wrong with the way they went about getting to know one another as friends-first. So what is the alternative? Is there even one? I don't know. Some might say to not enter into a friendship where you spend time (on the phone, in person or whatever) with someone of the opposite sex unless you feel like it is the right timing for such a relationship to possibly develop. Does this mean to treat every person/situation as a prospect whether initial apparent or not? I don't know. All I know is that I have guys that I consider friends. And I don't want to just stop talking to them because they are just that, my friends. If I loose them, I loose a friend. Why do I have friends that are guys? Well, I've always felt that I could relate better to guys. I had two brothers growing up so I was surrounded by people of the opposite sex. I suppose they also make me feel better about myself than girls do (something about a spoken or unspoken rivalry between women). I haven't fully sat down and thought about it. However showers of questions sprung from an instance today when I stepped back and took a look at my friendships with guys under the light of the Harry/Sally philosophy:

Why do I still have guy friends? Hmm... I'd like to think that it is because they are my friend that I don't want to loose them, but I never stopped to consider if it could be because they may turn out to be a romantic possibility for my future, and that letting go would mean lessening my chances at such a relationship with someone that I already know and care about firstly as a friend.

Hmmm. That was an interesting thought... and whether it was a thought borne of my mind or planted by some other source, I know not. I mean, it's not necessarily a wrong thought in essence, but if that is what actually directs my path, does that mean that ultimately I am leading each one on... Or does that mean that they have to have had a romantic interested that I personally am aware of for that to be labeled as 'leading them on'? Is it possible to maintain a purely 'just' friends relationship without self-deception regarding feelings for or feelings detected from that 'friend'? Oh so many questions. So many thoughts on the horizon. And I have a small feeling that I may not be making any sense. Argh. Oh well. It's just a blog entry.